Pinocchi-doze

I wrote this flash fiction piece for a contest that capped the number for words at exactly 257 words, no more, no less.  I lost this contest as they decided on something a bit more pretentious.  Maybe I'm just bitter.

Jim talked in his sleep.  Talked, not mumbled.  Coherently and inevitably.

When he slept with a girl he would say things he would never actually want to say to a girl.  One night stands would have confessions such as:


 

I have herpes.

I won’t ever talk to this girl again.

When I wake up I am going to regret this big time.

Not so bad because by the time he was asleep, the mission, for Jim, was accomplished.  He was that type of guy.

But eventually, like most, he wanted to settle down.  He found the girl that he thought was right for him.  He waited to sleep with her.  And waited.  She invited him in for coffee, but he came up with excuse after excuse.  He even told her he wanted to take it slow.  He knew if he slept with her and stayed over he would reveal such things as:

I think your sister is hot.

I masturbate to internet porn.

I imagine other girls while having sex.  

These things could destroy a burgeoning relationship, yet so could this taking it slow business, and Jim was dying to sleep with her.  So he stopped watching internet porn and stopped masturbating all together.  He punished himself with physical pain after each impure thought.

And finally, he agreed to come up with her.

Upon sleep, he only said: I love you.

Which freaked her out, just having exited an intense relationship.  She suggested a break.  

Then he slept with her sister, saying nothing in his sleep, finally.