Peppermints McPaul had the complexion of a peppermint (it isn’t that unlikely. The president of “Food for the Poor” is named Robin Mahfood [reality is unrealistic, etc]). The pale skin and those contrasting pimples and bright red hair were the things that slightly repulsed David about her, but also bizarrely drove him crazy. It was one of those crushes that he could have never told his friends about. He instead just loved her in secret.
He met her at summer camp after eighth grade ended. This after the last year in his school district before his family moved. This trip took place during the move, so when he came home, it would be, well, his new home. Two of his friends had gone as well, Anthony and Tom.
It was during a rare boy-girl event, it was a large picnic and he saw her sitting a few tables down from him. Their eyes met a few times. Later, the camp counselors organized a getting to know each other event, forming random groups. He hoped beyond hope he would be put with that strange pale girl. And one of his friends. Luckily he was with Anthony and Tom, some other girl he cannot remember, and, announced last, Peppermint McPaul.
“God that girl is ugly” Tom whispered to David. David just nodded. These kind of things couldn’t and shouldn’t be argued. Beauty/beholder etc.
The activity was just trying to be the first to build a fire. Flint was given to all the teams and everyone was loosely supervised to prevent possible injury.
“You aren’t doing it right asshole” Tom said to David after the counselor had walked out of ear shot.
“Yeah, I think I am Tom”
Peppermint and the other girl just sat in the grass and talked to each other. Anthony and Tom stood together, watching David, who had, at the start, claimed he could do it easy. His failure was embarrassing, and he kept looking over to see if Peppermints was watching. She wasn’t.
“Let me try man, for our sake. I want to win this thing, and you are going to blow it for us.” Tom said about thirty seconds after his last insult.
“Fine.” David said as he threw the stick he was holding to the ground, and handed the flint to Tom.
After five minutes of watching Tom struggle David said “You are doing the same thing I was doing except worse. Let’s just give up and sit on the grass-
“What, with the girls? Go ahead fag” Tom said turning his head as he squatted by the fire pit.
Peppermints giggled. David looked at her and it wasn’t clear if she was laughing about what Tom had said. Didn’t matter, David had to defend his pride in front of this crème skinned goddess. He walked up to Tom, whose face was a dark red at this point.
“Here fag, take your fag and try to start this fire you flaming fag!” Tom yelled, throwing the stick he was holding at David.
David protected his face with his arms and the stick struck his left wrist, where his watch was.
“Shit!” David said, hearing the sound of broken glass and then looking to see his shattered watch.
“Who the fuck wears a watch to fucking camp anyway man?” Tom said, looking around, knowing he was going to get into a lot of trouble for his outburst. And he knew they certainly wouldn’t win now.
David, however, wasn’t concerned about Tom. He was concerned about the watch his late grandmother had given him on his last birthday she was alive for. And, having the death and the broken watch on his mind, couldn’t hold back the tears, even in front of his ‘friends’ (he didn’t care if they would be friends after he moved anymore) and his summer camp crush, Peppermints.
Peppermints looked over and saw David’s eyes start to tear up. She immediately stood and ran over to him.
David could see Peppermints blurry figure move closer to him, and, even through his crying, felt the erection coming.
He was wearing a shirt that barely covered the top of his shorts, and the shorts didn’t leave much to the imagination.
She embraced him at the height of his erection. At this point, David’s unfolding scene of watch breaking and now Peppermint hugging had attracted a lot of attention and David knew it. He hugged Peppermint back, and held on to her tightly. He felt her try to back away from the hug, but he knew he had to hold onto her until the erection went away or everyone would immediately see it.
Problem was, hugging her would probably sustain the erection indefinitely.
“What are you doing?” She whispered into David’s ear with a strong hint of distress in her voice.
David, trying not to move his mouth visibly whispered back “Please, I’m begging you, just don’t stop hugging me”
“This is really weird, I don’t even know you and everyone is starring, please just let go of me or I will start screaming”
David now faced an awful choice. He could either let go and reveal his erection, or hang onto Peppermints until she started screaming and then let go to reveal his erection, or he could hang onto her even while she screamed until they were forcibly pulled apart, only to reveal his erection.
He let go.
Laughter erupted first from the boys, and then the piercing shrieks from the girls started. The erection slowly slumped away as David, too, felt like he was shrinking.
Summer camp lasted two more months. Two very ‘character building’ months. David knew, at least, that this was the climax of his social humiliation.
Until he got back home to start high school in a new district. He rode the bus, and, just like every time he rode the bus, he got an erection.
When he arrived to school, everything was as expected, he was completely ignored by everyone. He went to the office explaining his situation, and the staff gave him his schedule and a map of the school. Walking around the school with a map wasn’t the best way to make friends, David knew.
Before he could find his first class, he found a bathroom, and having the urge, needed to use it.
He walked in to find, to his horror, there were no dividers between the urinals, and the only stall was occupied. He just washed his hands and left instead of attempting to battle his shy bladder, a battle he knew he would lose.
He looked at his map as he left the restroom, trying not to run into those entering the restroom at a frantic pace.
“201, 201, 201” he said quietly to himself, looking for a staircase to ascend to the second floor. He saw a large queue of people near where the map indicted a staircase was and got in line.
How hard could it be to ascend a staircase, he thought. In front and behind of him now where much older girls. He had never been this close to older girls. Cue erection.
The line going up the stairs was very stop go, but thankfully, the collective frustration of first day walking jams didn’t lend itself to crotch viewing. He had to be careful in the stop-go traffic of the stair queue not to stop too late. If he wasn’t paying attention to the girl that was in front of him he could slam his erection right into her butt.
Being fourteen was a terrible time. As was thirteen. And twelve. It was a time of holding backpacks awkwardly in front of his groin, David found. And of the worst summer of his life.
His erection had disappeared at the apex of his ascension.
211, 213. Wrong way. He stopped in place and was hit from behind by a person not paying enough attention to his erratic walking.
“sorry” said a feminine voice. He turned to the spot where the impact happened but the girl wasn’t there anymore, he looked down the path he thought she must have taken and saw a pale girl in a red and white stripped tank top.
He walked down the hall of descending numbers. 209, 207, 205, 203, 201.
He took a deep breath and looked down as he walked through the open doorway.
The bell signaling five minutes until class rang throughout the school.
There were only three people in the class room, all reading books (for pleasure, he presumed). He found the seat that was the furthest point from the three people in class, careful not to upset the equilibrium of personal space that had been created.
Joining a school district at the point of high school had certain advantages. Since the high school was fed by five middle schools, the freshmen only knew approximately one out of five people in each class. David felt good in this uncertainty. However, once one reached high school, one had been social abused enough to stick to the friends they made in the more innocent time of middle school.
The thing David dreaded most about being a loner in a new world was group assignments where the groups were not selected by the teacher. This would mean he would have to sit by himself until the teacher asked “Has everyone found a partner?” and David would look around, and then the teacher would say “Looks like David is by himself, David, so and so only have two people, join them.” And the humiliation would cease.
The first class was full of paper passing and then, dreadfully, introductions.
“Just say your name, what school you attended, and then your hobbies”
Hobbies. David never knew what to say here. He didn’t participate in sports nor any extracurricular activates.
“I’m Jessica Sallers and I went to Reagan Middle School, and I am a cheerleader and I like to have fun with my friends and go to church!”
“I’m Brian O’Brien, I went to Thomas Pain Middle School and I play soccer, am on the Key club (what the fuck is the key club, David always wondered), and this summer I went to Ireland to see where my family was from”
“I’m, uh, David Head-ron (spelled Hedron, but David was always careful to sound his name out phonetically to avoid any mistakes in the future), I went to Ronald Gates Jr. High” the kids in the class looked at each other, knowing this was not a school in the district. “My hobbies include, um, reading, and the internet”. David breathed a breath of relief as his turn was over and his voice hadn’t even squeaked.
More papers were passed and then the opening school announcement came. The bell rang shortly after.
153, 153, 153. First floor. Biology.
No erection on the descent to his class. He looked near the bottom of the stairs and spotted bright red hair in the mass of brown and blond.
He walked into the class, this time mostly full, and looked for the most empty seats together. There were two seats empty, meaning he would have to sit next to someone, and he chose the more unattractive girl to sit next to.
Introductions rolled around again.
“Just say your name, what you did over the summer, and your favorite subject, and, let’s do it in reverse alphabetical order for all you always last kids!” The teachers last name was Vander, and was still scarred by being the last for everything, apparently.
David zoned out for most of the introductions. “John”, “Samantha”, “Kelsey”, “Katie”, “Catie”, “Katherine”, “Jon”, “Peppermints-
David, who was staring at his desk, holding his head up with his right arm, suddenly sat right up in his chair and look at the girl introducing herself.
-McPaul,” said the pale girl with red hair and the red and white striped tank top that David spotted earlier, immediately conjuring the same feelings of what must, it seemed to David, be love at first sight. “I went to summer camp and made lots of friends and some weirdos” the class laughed, “and I like history because it’s just a really long story.”
Oh no oh no oh no oh no was racing through David’s mind as the razor’s edge of the reverse alphabet got closer to H.
K, J, I…
“David He-drone, David-
David stood up. “Hi, I’m David Head-ron-
Loud gasp followed by giggles from where Peppermint was sitting.
-and I went to summer camp while my family moved to this school district and I like, uh, lunch!” David knew his face was bright red as he could feel the heat radiating from it.
David was hoping for a laugh from this introduction classic, but no one laughed at his joke, just more giggles that were trying to be muffled by the owners. He knew as he did his introduction that he would screw up the timing, unlike the confident class clowns that had done it in front of him in the past.
He saw a note being passed around, and when it was unfolded, the person would look over to him, clearly holding in a large smile and sometimes a laugh.
The note was handed to him from in front of him. The person in front of him had never bothered to look at him, so it didn’t arrive to him on purpose. More giggles when he got the note. He opened it to see a stick figure with three legs and the caption:
More like David hard on
David slipped the paper into his pocket and gulped.
Peppermints was sitting three seats ahead and two seats over (to the left) of him, and he could help but stare. He shirt ended about an inch higher than her jeans and he could see white panties barely peaking out.
This image would give him something to think about when he got home and could engage in one of his newest hobbies. He’d learned about it at the summer camp of humiliation. Anthony had been kind enough to tell him, when everyone else was asleep that “You can avoid having so many random boners by jerking it”
“Jerking what?”
“Your dick man”
“My dick-man?”
“Your penis man, just rub it a lot, and you will know when you are done”
“How will I know?”
“Just trust me on this one dude”
The next day he planned on waiting until he had gotten back home, but the day was long and his curiosity peaked that next night. He snuck off to the outhouse after he was sure everyone was asleep.
He knew when he was done. The rest, as they say, was history.
The rest of the day wasn’t promising for his social future:
“David Head-
Giggles from a few girls.
Fourth period:
“David He-
Giggles from all the girls.
Fifth period:
Lunch by himself. Giggles from girls who passed his table with empty trays. Peppermints had the same lunch, he noted.
Sixth period:
“David-
Giggles from all but the other loner-type looking nerds/fatties/Goths/outcast types, who would surely be friends/allies in the future.
And lastly seventh period:
David stood up. Whispers moved around the room in such a way David felt like a 19th century woman standing on a chair as mice raced around on the floor.
“Hi, I’m David. I went to summer camp this summer, and-
At this point everyone in the class was laughing.
The teacher looked concerned. “Shhhh” she shushed, with her index finger pointing to the sky and resting on her pursed lips.
“David, tell the class your last name”
“Hard on” David said with his eyes closed tight.
“Excuse me” Ms. Disclewick harshly said, the classic archetype of old-woman teacher with severe face wrinkles who couldn’t possibly exist outside of the school.
“David Hard-on” he repeated as the class erupted into laughter anew. David felt much better about this laughter, having caused it by his own will. The old woman leading the group of fourteen year old kids face had started, slowly, to turn a darker color, so David clarified:
“That is how you pronounce it Ms. Dickle-wicks, I assure you”
Another round of laughter.
“Dis-(she whistled out air)-ool-wix” she corrected sharply.
David, after two months of the worst hazing one could imagine from both sexes, was over humiliation, even the variety high school could offer. This was the silver gold lining to all of this. He wasn’t shy anymore. He knew the worst social humiliation and ostracization had to offer.
And he knew the benefits. He couldn’t talk to Peppermints (the counselors, after the incident, kept David from attending the boy-girl events), but he had many fast maturing girl fans after the incident. Whispers would get around, and rendezvous were made. Nothing more than kisses and “you-show-me-yours-I’ll-show-you-mine”s occurred, but he got more action than anyone in his class from girls most wouldn’t suspect.
He had always earned good grades and was a favorite of teachers, which, until his breakdown in seventh period, had kept his now unrestrained tongue at bay.
“Oh sorry Ms. Dicks, I-
“Young man!” yelled Ms. Disclewicks.
“over the summer, attended a summer camp-
“Report to the office immediately” could barely be heard over the roar of laughter that could no longer be contained.
“where I engaged a certain candy like product-
The old teacher limped over to the intercom button, having lost complete control of her class.
“in a hug to hide my, let’s say, McLumpins”
David, while saying this line, could feel the pressure on his face from such an intense shit eating grin. He grabbed his backpack and left the room as the teacher was trying to call the office with the intercom.
Several freshmen had fallen out of their seats and either kneeled or were laying on the ground at this point laughing to the point of nausea.
A hall monitor passed this class and looked in through the wire-mesh rectangular window to see the uproars laughter of everyone but one kid who was standing will and old sagging-skinned woman punching the wall, and began to laugh so hard he vomited in the hallway. This laugh echoed throughout the hallway, and the laugh followed by the vomit was too much for the high school kids watching the clock in classrooms with open doors to handle, as they too, started laughing.
Like an airborne pathogen, the laughter infected exponentially. Principle Lewis Concord could hear from his office a soft roar that began to shake his wall slightly. He thought of past malfunctions with the air conditioner. He excited his office and walked to the secretaries desk to see her wiping her forehead of the sweat that was built up, noticing as he approached a more open area the roar grew.
“Every teacher in the building is trying to reach us sir” the secretary said frantically, looking up.
“My god”
The school was shut down, and soon news organizations had arrived to cover the pandemonium that had erupted. Teachers had been evacuated, and slowly, as the teenagers passed out from exhaustion, the roar began to quiet.
At the end, as police officers and paramedics began pulling passed out teens out of the building, only two freshman remained awake.
Peppermints, while her class began to collectively lose their minds, just felt an eerie chill down her spine. Her red arm hair stood on end and she could not join the laughter of the rest of the school. As they were paralyzed she sought to escape the mania of her classmates. She knew the biggest wide open space would be her best bet, so she pulled out her freshman orientation map and searched for the gym.
As she approached the gym cops began flooding in through the main school doors. The gym was empty and absent of laughter. She saw someone at midcourt, sitting Indian style, writing in a notebook, his backpack on the ground next to him.
She walked closer until she could see his face.
“Hey Peppermints”
Her face turned from mint to pepper as she recognized Hard-on.
“Dav-dav-dav-id?” she muttered.
“Yep, it’s me.”
She was shaking at this point, somehow sensing that this laugh riot was her fault, and she was walking straight toward the epicenter.
“I’m so so so so-
“It’s really okay” he laughed softly, in sharp contrast to the twisted laughter of their thousand plus peers.
Peppermints sat next to David.
“I guess I kind of ruined your social life huh?” Peppermints said shyly, starring at the ground.
“Publically, yes. Privately however…” he smirked, but Peppermints just looked confused.
“Never mind” he said quickly.
“Sorry I didn’t keep hugging you until, you know went away”
“I don’t blame you, I mean, if a guy did that to me-
“yeah, but I had a crush on you and-
David’s eyes bulged open.
“Really?” echoed in a squeaky male voice throughout the empty gym.
She giggled, lowering her right arm from her chest to the ground, opening her hand.
David uncrossed his arms and reached for her hand with his left hand, grasping it. It was cold.
They looked at each other and David titled his head while moving his face towards her.
David closed his eyes and, seconds later, tasted peppermint.
haha, i love it!
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